Man On The Inside

Not Feeling Great but Still Has That Smile

Lately we’ve noticed that Coleman’s been a little more stuffed up than usual. That was followed by a cough here and there that led to even more coughing especially at night or while taking his naps. There wasn’t any runny nose, but there was a tiny bit of a fever and a whole lot of congestion in his nose.

As new parents we watched the symptoms for a day but we were unsure what to do. We put a humidifier in his room and set an appointment to see the doctor the next day. I couldn’t believe how concerned I was as he went to sleep last night. We kept the baby monitor on, that way if we knew that he was coughing we at least knew that he was breathing.

In my life I’ve had a number of bouts with pneumonia. For me as a quadriplegic, I have severe respiratory issues so pneumonia can come on fast and take a strong hold. Last night I didn’t sleep much because I couldn’t stop thinking that that same thing might happen to him.

This morning Kolette loaded Cole in the car and headed off to the doctor. I kept praying in my heart that everything would be OK. She called when they were finished and told me that it was nothing more than a little common cold and explained that we were already doing the right things to help him work through it.  He would be just fine.

The weight that lifted off my shoulders was enormous.  I now understand that although it is simply a common cold, there is nothing common about the feelings I have when I think Cole is hurting or sad or just not feeling right.

As that worry was removed following his doctor’s visit, my thoughts turned to my parents.  In the summer of 1986, they had to wait in a hospital waiting room to find out what happened to their 15-year-old boy after he had dived into Lake Powell.  I can only imagine the heartache they felt while waiting and how that heartache must have intensified when they found out I’d become paralyzed from the chest down.

This is a tricky thing being a parent. You put so much love and everything you have into a tiny person that you have so little control over. It’s truly like nothing I’ve ever experienced before, and it makes my soul hurt to think of those who have had to deal with tragedies I pray I never have to see when it comes to my child.

I think those parents must be the strongest of us all. I think our Heavenly Father must see something special in them to ask them to endure what must be the greatest of pains – to watch over a child who needs so much extra care or to even deal with losing a child. But, I suppose He would know how all of that feels, too.

So, here’s to Cole. Here’s to his health. Here’s to every parent that has had to deal with their child getting seriously ill or injured or worse.

I hope and pray my boy will stay healthy, but more than that, I pray that if he doesn’t I’ll be able to deal with it in the same quiet wonder that people like my parents have.

Here’s to you, Mom and Dad!

Jh-